absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
