Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.