Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
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Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day