did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
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elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order