When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
