i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
