what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
