did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
