Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
nutella sex= disaster
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
