wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
