I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
