when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
