Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
