I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It was confusing and full of hummus
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
