I didn't shave. On purpose
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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