im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
