God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
