i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
