i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
