I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
