WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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