Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
