it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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