Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
