fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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