dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
