omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
