So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
