in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
