Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
