he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
