I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
