i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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