I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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