WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize