remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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