well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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