Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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