NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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