I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
accomplished twins. life is a go
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
