they need to just BURY HIM!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
