That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pants are for mortals
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
