In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
