Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
