Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
