i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
