Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
