Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
