Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
