the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
