He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize