I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
