Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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