Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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