Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
