he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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