Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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