You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
