so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
