I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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