Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
