no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will pee on everything he values.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
