when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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