Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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