you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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