I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
being pregnant is like rehab
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
