dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's always time for handjobs
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
