This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
