I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
