I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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