Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Someone shit on the floor
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What drink are we having for lunch?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
